Developing Parenting Skill

Our mission supports young parents in several ways, including;

*   heart healthy nutrition and cooking classes

*   pediatric emergency response training

*   sports * physical fitness activities

*   creating a safe home environment 

*   mentoring & academic tutoring

*   correcting behavior with positive reinforcement

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WHY POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT WORKS

“If a child lives with approval, he learns to live with himself.” 

by Dorothy Law 

After a long day at the office, with more work facing you at home, the last thing you might feel like doing is being positive. But it is crucial that even during conversations aimed at correcting behavior, you keep your tone positive.

What is positive communication anyway?

Positive communication is a tool to reinforce good behavior and eliminate bad behavior; it builds self-esteem and inspires confidence in children. And it’s easy--once you get the hang of it! Children’s feelings of esteem are highly influenced by their interaction and relationship with their parents. All children need to feel loved and accepted, and you can communicate those feeling to your children by the way you speak.

Once you develop the habit of consistent positive reinforcement at home, you’ll see that communicating is easier, and you will also be helping your son or daughter learn to communicate with the outside world. By the time they are in elementary school, kids need the self esteem boost gained when positive reinforcement is in practice.

Rules of the Road

Face your child and maintain eye contact.

Always allow your child to finish talking and complete his statement.

“Labeling is disabling”--label the behavior not the child.

Incorrect: “Billy, you are a bad boy.” Correct: “Billy, it is irresponsible to leave you toys all over the place.”

Road Continues..............

The four basic parts to positive reinforcement are:

1. Recognize and acknowledge the child’s wish.

2. State the limit clearly.

3. Point out ways that her wish may be partially fulfilled.

4. Help the child express the resentment that arises when limits are imposed. “I know that you would like to watch the TV show now, but we will tape it and you can watch it after your homework.”

Rewarding vs. Bribing

Reinforces vary from child to child. You should be aware of the reinforces that your child values, and use them. Extra TV time, phone privileges, a Saturday at the mall--most kids enjoy these things. Use rewards when you feel your child has finished a difficult task, such as making the honor roll at school, getting a B (or even a C+) on a difficult test, or not arguing with her brother for two weeks. Don’t confuse rewarding with bribing! You should not offer extra treats, money, or gifts for tasks you expect your child to do on a daily basis. Instead, be positive in communication--to encourage your child to use the same form of communication with others.

Try This at Home

Here are some time tested hints for positive communication with your child.

Be firm and consistent.

Try not to force petty, time-consuming decisions, such as “Which color toothbrush do you want?”

Give your child chores when he or she is young. Chores builds self-discipline and a sense of responsibility, but remember that a child may need reminders to complete them.

Accept the fact that children need to be told things over and over. If you have to repeat a direction, say it as if it were the first time.

A short list of chores is better than a long or possibly confusing or frustrating, list. In general, lists, in words or pictures, are better than telling your child what to do because a list addresses two learning styles--auditory and visual--and list lets your child be in control by checking off each task as they are completed.

Remember that some children do not process multiple requests quickly or accurately. Get your child’s attention first and never shout from one room to the other.

Speak slowly, it will help you child absorb more of what you are saying. If your child has a learning disability, he or she may be disorganized, and have trouble relating an event in proper sequence. Keep a calm, uncritical and non-irritable manner when explaining something to your child.

James Baldwin once said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Being positive with you children and reinforcing the behavior you want repeated, you give the blueprint for interacting with people outside of the home.